Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
