before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
