I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
