Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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