your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
