Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
