we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
