I didn't shave. On purpose
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
