Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dating After Heartbreak
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.