I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen