we have pet lesbian snakes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
