is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
