You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.