Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away