ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
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it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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