His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.