Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
