we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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