You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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