and you said cock pushups were impossible
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Someone shattered a urinal.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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