I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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