I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
