pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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