I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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