I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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