But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
