I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
