Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
