you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
