Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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