I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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