at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
