Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
