im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
