I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
