I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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