Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
there is glitter all over my balls
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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