I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
