i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
