On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
