She tied me up with her honor cords...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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