I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
