dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
