hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
