is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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