trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
