I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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