ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
