she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You are a genius and a whore.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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