everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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