Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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