I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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