yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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