Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
