I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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