I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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