I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
