Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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