ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
