I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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