Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
