I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
