Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
