i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
