Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
