When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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