I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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