Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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