4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
